Someone once said that it wasn't worth the effort to discern a coherent logic behind the GOP's emerging platform. Not so. The internal GOP logic can be nicely inferred by the most casual viewer of Fox & Friends:
Guns are good. More guns are better.
My access to healthcare is good. Your access to healthcare is only good if I don't have to help pay for it. Universal healthcare is a slippery slope to the gulag.
Government should never tell any private citizen what to do. Unless it's telling two people of the same gender not to marry, a woman not to have an abortion (or access contraceptives to prevent an abortion), a convicted murderer not to live, or a soldier to return to Afghanistan for another deployment.
All religions are good. But Christianity is better. A lot better. In fact, it's the only legitimate religion.
Judaism is cool though. Israel is great. We should all support whatever Israel does because it's important that the Temple be re-built in Jerusalem so that it can be destroyed again, and all Jews killed or forcibly converted, ushering in the End Times. Praise Jesus!
Islam is awful. It's scary and different. What other religion has a Saturday sabbath, doesn't let its adherents eat pork, appeases an angry single god, and mandates that 10% of income go to charity? Oh, wait, never mind.
Scientists can't be trusted. Televangelists, like Ted Cruz's father, can.
Evolution is a demonic theory straight out of the pits of hell. Intelligent design is not - I repeat not! - creationism!
Every student should have to pray in school. A Christian prayer. Atheists and agnostics should have to embarrass themselves by leaving, which will make them easier to identify for the first wave of arrests. (I didn't say that out loud, did I?)
Sexual orientation is a choice. Shaming people is a great way of making men love vaginal sex.
Poor people made bad choices. Like not owning a liquor store or coal mine. We should not have to feed hungry children just because their parents made bad choices. Or are lazy. Or dark-skinned. (Did I just say that as well?)
Immigrants bring crime, disease, and terrorism to our country, which was made for people of Northern European extraction who speak American. We should build a fence on our Mexican border and electrify. Canadian immigrants are OK, though. They look like us, know what I mean?
War is a great solution to just about any complex geopolitical problem. We don't need a draft - we have plenty of poor people. They will always believe that we are Fighting For Freedom everywhere, all the time. Support our troops. Freedom isn't free. Etc.
Racism is over. Anyone who says differently is playing the race card. Playing the race card is bad. Cops are not racist. Slavery wasn't that bad.
The Confederate Flag is just about heritage, not slavery or white supremacy. Secession is a viable option for anyone who doesn't like a particular law.
Poor people were made by liberals to be dependent on the federal government and vote Democratic. The best solution to unemployment is to cut off any unemployment benefits.
American workers have to choose between union representation and living wages. They can't have both. No one working full time has the right to being paid enough to raise a family. No full time worker has a right to anything, not even to work itself. The market - in consultation with corporate executives and shareholders - will decide how much workers are paid. That's called letting the free market decide.
Trickle down economics works. It just needs another century or two. In the meantime, there is absolutely no reason to adjust the minimum wage for inflation.
Regulations are killing jobs. We cannot protect the environment for our grandchildren and keep good-paying Walmart greeter jobs for our grandparents today. The EPA and the IRS should be abolished and all the agency employees sent south to keep Mexicans out of Texas (or as we used to call it, Mexico).
The forcible relocation of Native Americans was not ethnic cleansing. It's just that all these indigenous peoples got it into their head in the 19th century to relocate to Oklahoma. Besides, they got casinos, so everything is fair.
Never apologize for America. It is impossible to love America and constructively criticize it at the same time. Unless you are criticizing the IRS, the EPA, the progressive income tax, Head Start, food stamps, healthcare reform, the Department of Education, the CDC, the NIH, or other anti-gun fanatics.
God bless America.